This entry was posted on Friday, February 15th, 2008 at 10:17 pm and is filed under Parenting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I’ve tried time outs, for both my kids and myself. I’ve read up on strategies, listened to the experts, cross-examined friends and neighbors for best practices, and still, I have to say, I’m just not a fan.
Say my boy does something inarguably time-out worthy, like throw a peach at the puppy-on purpose. Not with malicious intent of course, but with purposeful curiosity, I’d say. In other words, no chance it was an accidental dropping of the peach in the vicinity of the puppy. So he gets a time out: say four minutes for four years, on the stairs where it’s private but there are no distractions.
Then what happens? He’s already demonstrated just by throwing the peach that he’s got some energy to burn, and here I’ve got him sitting and stewing-and believe me, no four-year-old boy is big on contemplating consequences and making good use of this time. Within seconds of his sentence, his legs are jigging, arms are flailing, feet are kicking. Now my walls are in more danger than the puppy was.
So what do I do? Time in. He’s back in the game. Instead of four minutes on the stairs, it’s four laps running around the outside of the house, or maybe 40 sit-ups if it’s raining-really hard, with lightning. This way, I figure, we’ve acknowledged the behavior that got him into it, redirected him away from it, and put his energy to use. Aren’t those the goals the experts want us to reach?
We’ve also, and maybe this works because we’re a pretty sporty family, primed him for his inevitable sporting future. He’s learning that his misbehavior costs him game time, and he’s sent down into basic drills. He’s learning the vocabulary of coaches everywhere. He’ll take a lap, then take a knee. He’ll put a hop on it if I get on him. He’ll give me 20, then jump up for more. Okay, maybe he’s learning the vocabulary of drill sergeants everywhere, but at least he’s learning to stay active. And that, to our family, is one of the most important things.
Important to me, too, of course. My own time outs now involve yoga stretches or some quick sit-ups of my own, since it’s not always feasible for me to abandon ship for a few laps around the house. It works pretty well, though I confess that now instead of blowing my top I’m much more likely to pull a muscle.
I can’t say this time in practice is good for everyone, of course. I haven’t consulted any experts on the eventual damaging consequences of this style of parenting. And not every child is as active as mine are-which brings up an important point. My kids get so much exercise they’re nearly impossible to tire out, and I haven’t been young in a long time.
So now, as they get older and have even more strength and ability, I’m starting to give them other things to do, like pages of math problems or writing assignments. I use the same inspiring vocabulary, of course, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll get their minds as strong as their bodies.
