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Another factor impedes the development of a natural attitude toward sex in children, particularly in boys. Children, regarding their bodies as part of a strange world, examine themselves quite thoroughly. Over-anxious parents, discovering acts of self-investigation, become overly concerned and try, often clumsily, to prevent any touching of the genitals. It would be less dangerous to ignore these first investigations of the body than to frighten the child, for we know that early masturbation develops less from a natural inclination of the child than as a consequence of violent interference with harmless and insignificant actions. Most of the so-called bad habits in children are skillfully though unintentionally cultivated by parents and nurses who do not know that the normal child is inclined to repeat any movement from which he is forcibly restrained. Therefore, this interference of adults with curious investigation, far from preventing masturbation, simultaneously encourages the practice and instills mental conflicts which become far more dangerous during adolescence than any physical consequences. Implanting in the child a belief that sex organs are unclean and taboo and thus associating them with sin actually poisons the child’s mind.
A child’s first sexual experiences, also, affect his attitude toward sex. Such experiences occur very early. Growing older, he is likely to forget them, but all children do experience sexual excitement, some definitely and others only vaguely. Adults kiss a child on his mouth with no suspicion of his reaction. Titillations of a sexual nature are not restricted to any age. Some games, certain gymnastic practices or repeated movements arouse similar excitations. The sensation of fear may often provoke sexual stimulation. Children are unable to explain these feelings, although they derive great satisfaction from them. Parents could help mitigate harm from these mysterious experiences if they had the full confidence of their children. Most parents, however, through previous reprimanding interference, have lost their child’s willingness to confide in them, as far as sex is concerned. Casual discussion without excitement or embarrassment can remove the child’s bewilderment. A casual attitude prevents later conflicts and disappointments caused by established patterns of excitation.
How a childhood experience may considerably affect a later normal sexual adjustment was demonstrated by a woman who suffered from her inability to enjoy sexual intercourse. She longed for a specific gratification that she never could obtain in her marriage. In the course of our discussions, she became aware of what disturbed her. Once, as a little girl, while swinging she had experienced a peculiarly delightful sensation in her genitals. She could reproduce it by swinging. Later, although she expected the same excitement in a sexual relationship, she never found it. Consequently, she drifted from one man to another. Of course, this was not the real reason she could never find a suitable companion. This girl had an erroneous conception of love. She did not seek any real love, but was only seeking a particular genital excitement. Her first experience had given her an entirely wrong idea of sexual pleasure. Now she wanted only this specific pleasure and not a man’s companionship. Obviously, what she expected to derive from a relationship and from marriage was in no way connected with love.
