This entry was posted on Sunday, May 27th, 2007 at 9:23 am and is filed under Parenting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Parent. What the heck does that word mean, exactly? I used to think that I knew, but after taking a step back, maybe I don’t. There are biological parents and foster parents, adoptive parents, stepparents-are they all the same?
Some people say a parent is simply one of the two people biologically connected to a child. The legal system likes this definition a lot. This can’t be the definition of a parent, though, because it doesn’t explain why kids in foster care or kids from divorced or blended families may call someone other than the two people responsible for their conception “mom” and “dad”. It doesn’t address those who adopt. It doesn’t address why some kids prefer the company of daycare providers or older, responsible siblings above other company. Some people say a parent is someone who provides financial support, but that can’t be it, either-even when money abounds, kids can complain and have a host of problems. Kids would probably say the definition of a parent is someone who makes their life miserable-on purpose.
The fact is that a parent is a strange creature. After all, what person in their right mind would bring home a screaming, wriggling little thing that demands that an adult undergo lack of sleep, worry, frustration, and general annihilation of bank funds (even if the person uses coupons)? Parents don’t get any financial reward for what they do, and anyone who ever has changed the diaper of a kid on formula will attest to the fact that being a parent doesn’t really earn a whole lot in terms of glamour points.
That being said, I think that the one defining characteristic of a parent is the capacity to care about another human being. Parents, regardless of age, gender, occupation, etc.-even regardless of whether or not they are biologically related to the child for which they care-are those who are willing to put a child’s needs above their own. They are those who regularly, every day, without fail, sacrifice and explain the world to those who don’t know it yet, who protect those who can’t yet protect themselves. Come rain or shine, they have food on the table (or at least, in a brown paper baggie or lunch box) and do all they can to make sure that a child doesn’t have to be afraid, that a child is safe and happy.
The definition of a parent out of the way, I should note that the reality of parenting is this: The capacity to care doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to be able to do it all and do it all right. Sure, there are those whose kids are always spotless and have the latest gadget, and sure, that can make us feel like we’ve failed if we can’t afford this or that and honestly just couldn’t stop our kid from jumping in a mud puddle on the way to school. Even so, a good parent doesn’t lose sight of an even larger truth-a few words of encouragement can be worth more than a new gadget, and a kiss on a boo-boo (even a dirty boo-boo) can seem like the kiss of a heroine. All kinds of people provide those kinds of things. So is a foster parent a real parent? Yes! A stepparent? Undoubtedly-but a big sister, a teacher, a social worker… those people act like parents, too. Even someone who never has had a child can have an innate sense of what a child needs and work to provide it unselfishly. Thus, my only conclusion is this: It’s not the label that matters. It’s what you do with a child that does.
